The office Christmas party has become as synonymous with the Yuletide as carols, crackers and excess calories, but don’t be fooled: surviving it is an exercise worthy of Bear Grylls himself.
With Le Bureau’s own Christmas bash just around the corner on 2nd December, now is a good time to start preparing – and if last year’s ‘20s-themed do was anything to go by, things are guaranteed to get festive. Last year, we began at Battersea Quarter where members were treated to live music, a three-course dinner, a fiendish movie quiz and plenty of drinks. Then it was time to jump into taxis to Clapham where salsa dancing and club classics continued late into the night (and early morning…)
So before the 2nd December rolls around, before we put on our glad rags and convene at The Imperial in Fulham for a night of joie de vie, it is worth considering these helpful hints to get you through the night full of peace and joy. Here is Le Bureau’s Guide to Surviving the Office Christmas Party.
1 Colleagues
Most of us spend more time with our colleagues then our families. They have seen you at your best and your worst – but have they seen you at 2 am after one too many shandies? You don’t want to do, reveal or promise anything that might be considered less than professional, so don’t forget this is still technically a work event. If you work in a coworking space, you are likely to meet (and, for that night, become best friends with) the guy who once smiled at you by the coffee machine, and the woman who lent you a mug one time. Come Monday morning, you will have forgotten all their names. Keep a napkin and a biro in a pocket/clutch and nip to the loos to jot them down whenver you can.
Do: whip out the company card and buy a round of cocktails for your team
Do not: drunkenly promise everyone a raise and a lie-in on Monday
2 Outfit
Any hardened survivalist knows that your clothing can be the difference between surviving and perishing, having curled up in the stomach of a camel. Surviving the office Christmas party is just the same. Women finally have a chance to ditch the daily work attire for something a bit more glam, but this isn’t a night out with the Girlzzz so avoid anything too tight or too revealing. The common assumption is that men have it easier but if the dress code calls for ‘smart’ rather than black tie, panic can ensue. Men, think: great shirt, smart slacks and a fantastic pair of shoes – because a nice pair of smart shoes instantly gives you an air of James Bond-suave.
Do: treat yourself to something new. The office Christmas party comes but once year!
Don’t: wear your work suit
3 Food
We all know that Christmas food is the best kind of food. The Christmas party is a rehearsal for the real deal dinner on the 25th and as an added bonus, there’s no washing up . Yet opting for turkey and all the trimmings when it is still November can seem a little obtuse. Once you’re sitting at the table however, paper hat perched precariously on your head, a turkey dinner is all you are going to want. Food envy is unbearable, so order wisely.
Do: eat plenty. You need to line your stomach (see point 4 below)
Don’t: complain that the carrots/stuffing/sporuts aren’t a patch on your Mum’s. Everyone thinks THEIR Mum does the best Christmas dinner
4 Booze
Surviving the office Christmas party is as much about pacing your alcohol intake as anything, because, let’s be frank, office Christmas parties are boozy affairs. Alcohol can make you do weird things, like laugh uproariously, cry unexpectedly and dance the Funky Chicken to no music. As with all things, you can have too much of a good thing, so take it slow and steady. Here at Le Bureau, we advocate drinking responsibly, of course.
Do: relax! Let your hair down a little – it’s Christmas after all
Don’t: pass out before dessert
5 Entertainment
From live music to living statues, magicians to Mariachi bands, extra entertainment can take the office Christmas party from ‘meh’ to ‘meh-gnificent’. Some people find it a little too close to ‘organised fun’ for comfort, but we say embrace it in all its silly, funny, jolly nature.
Do: join in enthusiastically with any games
Don’t: decide you can do a better job than the singer, grab the mic out of his/her hand and launch into your own ‘unique’ rendition of ‘Purple Rain’
6 Your office crush
Come on, admit it: we all have a little soft spot for someone in the office – and whether you’re happily settled or single and ready to mingle, it can be a bit of harmless fun. Until the office Christmas party, that is. The novelty of being out of the office, together, mixed with alcohol and peak levels of Chritmas cheer, is a highly potent combination that can result in humiliation for you, your crush and the awkward waiter who is just trying to clear your plate as the whole situation unfolds before him. Remember: 90 per cent of surviving the office Christmas party is simply not humiliating yourself.
Do: take the opportunity to actually get to know your crush. You might discover that they are better as a mate, or that they are as dull as a walnut
Don’t: declare your undying, unyielding love for them, over a microphone, whilst crying
7 The morning after
You open one eye, then another. It feels like a band of monkeys is playing the Macarena in your head. Your mouth feels like it is covered in fur, and when you look down, you see you are wearing one shoe, last night’s clothes and a jaunty hat that isn’t yours. You have a sudden flashback to swinging the hat around your head on the dancefloor. Panic sets in: what else did you do? What did you say? And will you still have a job on Monday morning?
Do: take a shower, drink water and ring a trusted friend to re-cap the night’s events
Don’t: immediately text everyone in your phone book and apologise for anything that ‘might’ have happened
Phew! You are now adequately prepared for the Le Bureau Christmas party. So have you bought your ticket yet? Don’t miss out – buy yours here. Can’t wait to see you there!
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